SAUSAGE, by the hundreds
I learned today how to do something that I have been wanting to try for quite some time now: I learned how to make sausages. In doing so, I made a lot of sausages: hundreds of sausages. Hundreds of pounds of sausages even. It felt GOOD.
I have gleaned a few nuggets from this experience that I shall now impart to you:
Nugget One, Making sausages is both easier and harder than it looks. The easy bit is that, even if you absolutely suck (not as hard as Paris Hilton on the Simple Life, if you were lucky enough to witness her ‘making’ sausage NOT A EUPHEMISM) you still end up with sausages! The hard bits are pumping an even tautness into about 50-100 feet of intestine and then keeping that tautness whilst winding consistently sized sausage links.
Nugget Two, Intestines are amazing. Honestly. That old tale about the greeks using them as condoms, totally would have worked. You just need a little olive oil to lube them up, pre-soaked of course. Any of you have a latex allergy?
Nugget Three, Making sausages is cool. No really, it’s incredible. It might be novel to me at the moment but now I know how to make them. I can go out and buy a meat grinder and a sausage funnel and make my own. I can put my money where my moth is when I say ‘these sausages suck. I could make far better!’ And lo, I SHALL! I must pester aunties and Internets for family boereworse recipes and more.
Nugget Four, You can’t really just make a few. I hope you have lots of friends!
Finally, I must thank the wonderful people at Sanagan’s Meat Locker for allowing me this experience. Having had a good look inside their meat fridge and worked with some of the staff behind the scenes, I must say this place is exceptional. I knew this in advance since, walking through the doors, you are greeted with a magnificent display and selection of meats that are all the right colour and thickness. No vacuum-packed bullshit. They have a sandwich counter too and produce a fine pulled pork sarmie.