Anti-Child Spiced Salmon

This is a recipe; not a street corner cure for unwanted pregnancy.

Do you have pesky children? Do they eat all your good food, drink all your good wine; do they incessantly spill your beer and monopolise all your precious down-time? I have a solution for you: send them to bed early!

Otherwise, try this spicy salmon dish for dinner. If you’re lucky, you have kids (or young siblings), like dogs, that turn up their noses to anything with a little zing to it. If you are unlucky, as I have been so blessed, the ankle-biters, tweens, and teens in your life will eat just about anything (especially if you enjoy it). Don’t ever forget: they do it to spite you.

This recipe comes from the eternal genius that is my father. It is especially easy to whip up, screaming children and in the fray.

1 to 1 1/2 inch thick Salmon Steaks. Not fillets, or anything else; a good, thick, boney salmon steak.
Juice of 1 Lemon.
Vegetable Oil, enough to coat both sides of your salmon steaks and grease your pan.
Seasoned Salt, I use Club House’s La Grille Seasoned Salt. It works well as a simple spice base for any meat, poultry, or fish, especially if to be Grilled or BBQ’d.
Hot Peppers, jarred/preserved. They need to be sweet too. Unico’s Hot Pepper Rings work well.

Because fish is much better cooked sparingly to preserve its delicate flavour and texture, it is very important that you ask all the right questions at your fish shop/counter before you buy anything. If pre-cut, ask to smell fish before you buy it. If whole, smelling it always helps, but the eyes are a dead giveaway: clear and shiny eyes, fresh fish; sunken and murky eyes, cook meat instead. Finally, ask if the fish is fresh or frozen and how long ago it arrived or was defrosted. In Toronto, and most of civilised Canada, fresh salmon is in abundance but it never hurts to know as much about your fish’s history as possible.

Get out your good non-stick grilling pan (ribbed, for her pleasure) and thoroughly lubricate it with oil. Heat the pan to medium high.

While your pan is heating, squeeze (with a fork) the juice of half of one lemon over one side of the salmon steaks and rub the same side with oil. Use your hands; otherwise, get out of the kitchen (and off my website). Sprinkle enough seasoned salt to cover the steaks so that the pink (or orange) of the salmon still shows through.

Place the salmon steaks seasoned side down on your heated grilling pan and treat the exposed side in the same manner: with the lemon, oil, and seasoned salt. Grill turning only ONCE! Cooking times depend on the thickness of your salmon. I implore you not to overcook it. Salmon is best done medium well so that the flesh is heated through but the centre is still juicy.

When the salmon is just about cooked, open up your jar of spicy peppers and place 6 or 7 slices (or as many as you like) on top of each piece of salmon. Be sure to drain the peppers adequately; use a fork. A little juice on the salmon is alright. Just don’t douse it.

Serve hot, with a fresh side of alcohol abuse.


A postscript for the children: Thanks for breaking my Xbox, and my dreams.